Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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