Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
