it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just gift wrapped bread.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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