He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
