i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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