We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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