I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
