What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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