thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
