Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
