just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
