great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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