OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
