So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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