Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
