she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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