**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
