Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize