I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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