it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
