I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
