I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
