I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
