my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
