I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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