I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
