shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
