he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
