Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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