for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
whose parrot is this?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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