remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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