Everything about him screamed your future.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize