alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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