I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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