you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
