So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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