Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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