So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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