i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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