It's like a parade of train wrecks.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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