She said her name was "party"
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize