I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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