I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My balls are so social today.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
