Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
