i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
