He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
