someone owes me an orgasm
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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