make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
