I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
