Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
