Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize