I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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