I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Acid is not a monday night drug
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a beard to bite.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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