i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
