But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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