um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
