Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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