are you still at the devil's house?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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