Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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