Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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