I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
