I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
