The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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