We won't sleep together?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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