I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
