He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
