I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize