so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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