He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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