Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
