i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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