At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
