Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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