i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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