weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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