During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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