Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
