you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize