holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
