When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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