she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I came so hard my ears popped.
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