i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
