I hate your face
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
