the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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