yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
