OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
