When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
