I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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