It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
