How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
