This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
