I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
