So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize