I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
