Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize