Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
