i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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