I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
