omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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