if you like me you must not know who I am
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize