The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
