What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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