I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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